Thursday, March 14, 2013

Gush.

It was one year ago when our water broke at 12 weeks and one day.

We were not given a good outcome yet we were not told to terminate, like many pProm moms are. Luckily we made it through pProm and the NICU with two amazing little dragons who are thriving and doing everything they should be.

The grief and trauma of that day is still fresh. The minor car accident first shook me up, and then I headed into work. I was a mess, but then again I was a hormonal pregnant woman who had just gotten over a bout of the Norovirus and had zero energy for anything. I wanted to stay busy to keep my mind off things so I stayed at work.

Three hours post accident, my water broke. It was a huge gush and I knew immediately that something was incredibly wrong. My clothes were soaked and I tried to clean up as best as I could. The doctors office called regarding the earlier accident and I calmly mentioned the newest incident - but of course they were skeptical. They arranged an appointment for the late afternoon and I called Jimmy to let him know.

I attended a meeting and I tried to calm my racing mind. Sometimes you just know that something is amiss, and I definitely knew that we were in trouble. How much? I couldn't be certain.

A few hours later we met at the perinatal center and had our fears confirmed: no fluid left for baby b. This wild ride had officially begun.

***
I drive by the place where I was rear-ended every day. By Swedish, where I had countless appointments, did bed rest, and where the babies were born. I drive to PSL or St Joe's for work sometimes - it brings back so many emotions and at times, so much grief.

Yet I put one foot in front of the other, staying the course, driving in the same direction. I know someday I will get past the trauma of this experience but it will take time. I firmly believe that we were chosen for this challenge for a reason - perhaps because we are strong enough and determined enough to handle it. There are people in our lives that I am certain could never have done what we did. In the end I'm grateful that this challenge was ours to conquer and to overcome.

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